Friday, June 06, 2008

Mixed signals on the way to work this morning

1. At the station. A woman carefully goes through every page of the giveaway magazine "Sport" to make sure there's nothing in that will traumatise her nine-year old boy. Meanwhile he waits patiently and looks up at her expectantly.
2. On the platform. A woman with a seven year old boy who's wearing one of those anti-pollution face masks.
3. On the train. A woman with a well-dressed two year old boy. He turns to look out of the window and puts one of his feet on the seat. She immediately smacks him once on the backside. He starts crying, more out of shock and embarrassment than pain. She lectures him in some East European language for about ten seconds and then tries to cuddle him into submission. He, being male, is immediately placated. So she gives him a Milky Way.


  1. Anonymous1:59 pm

    My mother never told me it would end like this.

    What happened? I used to be hip and cool and sneered at the old buffer's of the establishment.

    I used to take drugs and sleep around.

    Now, I've turned into Angry of Tumbridge Wells.

    Is this our inevitable fate Mr Hepworth?

    Well, it really is a double-bind. And we're now well and truly screwed.

    Assailed on one side by terrified liberal parents wrapping their children in cotton wool. And on the other from Eastern European's using 1970's punishment techniques.

    There's nothing for it but to buy myself a cravat and a houndstooth jacket and start reading the Daily Mail.

  2. So some people do care about their children.

    It fills me with hope.

  3. Anonymous2:41 pm

    Hallo Mista Hepworths

    ah am wundering if you can help with me!

    Ah am contacting you from your bankings organisation and reqwire sum persanal deetayls.

    Firstly, you mayden's name

    Second, your sort code number of accounts

    once this has been receeved we will transfer the 10 million Nigerian dollars into your account

    thank you to you


    ps I was smaked as a childe and it never did me any harm